War! What is it Good For?

Absolutely nothing, as you'll soon find out.

A while back I wrote about Lupin III: Green vs. Red, describing it as an interesting failure. Not particularly awful, especially compared to some TV specials (looking at you, Another Page), and even somewhat admirable for its lofty ambitions. It just fails to reach those ambitions. To its credit, it knew how to have a little fun along the way, which kept things from getting too pretentious. The same cannot be said of the 1982 film Future War 198X.

The concept is rock-solid. Based actual statistics and scientific projections, Future War 198X examines the circumstances leading up to nuclear war. Fictional characters are used, from common people right up to the bigwig politicians, but all named countries and locations are real. Everyone is drawn as realistically as possible, and despite a good bit of talking, we hear only the narrator's voice as he describes each event. Every aspect screams documentary, alternate future, serious business you guys.

With the unconventional format, though, comes a flaw inherent to most documentaries: it can be boring. There's just something about an all-knowing narrator explaining all the action, the sequence of cause and effect, and how the viewer should be feeling that took me out of the human drama despite the English narration itself being mostly well-written and performed. It doesn't let us form our own conclusions, and it hurts to be led around by the nose for two hours.

While we're on the subject of action, let's just say there's something to be desired in that department, too. The genuinely good battle sequences are few and spaced far between scenes of meetings and political maneuvering, all gratingly dialogue-free. The animation isn't cheap, per se; character designs are incredibly detailed, and a lot of different locations are used. It just limits its impressive moments far too much to actually impress. Oh, and the music choices during some of those action scenes? Pure cheese, played totally straight.

And speaking of cheese (man, I'm just on a segue roll, aren't I?), this brings us to the film's biggest problem: it's still dumb. Nuclear war, though not a light issue today, would have been such a deadly serious issue back in 1982 that the merest whiff of cheese would spell this movie's death. Yet all the more optimistic moments reek of it. The peace movement that organizes towards the end seems out of place given the film's overall grim tone. The narrator himself is involved in the story in a subplot that would make Michael Bay proud. It involves a love triangle and a civilian scientist who defies his orders to become mankind's only hope by the end. The narrator's own insistence that everyone involved was at heart a good person is completely trashed when a single, radical Soviet official clearly proves himself an irredeemable villain.

Bottom line: Future War 198X hasn't aged well. Its “what if” scenario is just too hard to take seriously so long after the Cold War's end, especially since the documentary bits are sabotaged by parts which belong in a lame Hollywood blockbuster. Maybe these parts were a comfort blanket to people of the time, who didn't want to feel completely powerless before the paranoid power of world governments, but we're too gleefully obsessed with deconstruction to do anything but laugh at such scenes today. In the end, that's the only way I can recommend this movie; more of an amusingly flawed snapshot into a different era's most intense fears and hopes than either the bad action flick it could have been or the serious, inspirational work of art it wanted to be. Oh well.

What are some anime that you'd call interesting failures? What are some things you've seen that wanted to be taken seriously, and what killed it for them? Sound off in the comments!

Six Feet Plunder

I've been hearing some buzz around the Internet about the latest Lupin III movie, The Gravestone of Jigen Daisuke, being a stinker. Considering the recent, sorely-needed changes to the franchise brought about by The Woman Called Fujiko Mine, this was depressing news. I resolved to check out the flick myself via torrent, with the usual justification that I'd buy the eventual hard copy if I enjoyed it. The result was a mixed bag of an experience; some complaints were definitely justified, but I generally had a good time. And the bag had a certain surprise at the bottom...

To get the big complaints out of the way first, this didn't feel like a movie. It was way too short for a cinematic feel, and frankly was too light on the action as well. Given that this was directed by none other than Takeshi Koike of Redline, the OVA-style scope is downright insulting when you consider what he could have filled even 30 extra, well-funded minutes with. And even though the limited runtime allows for few scenes that aren't plot-related exposition (the climax certainly leans toward this), unwanted fat still hangs from a few places. The villain's talent for making mechanical monstrosities has no payoff, for instance, and a scene with Fujiko in peril feels both out of place and too damn long.

The good stuff may be a modest hill facing down these mountainous flaws, but I still think they're worth defending. For instance, I like Lupin's revamped look in general, and here it gives extra style to the sparse action. Sure, it leans heavily towards the Redline look, and Jael Okuzaki looks suspiciously like Gori Rider, but is that really a bad thing? Okuzaki, for his part, was a good villain, credible as a threat and memorable for his appearance and little quirks. Jigen gets to share a little of the spotlight for once, which doesn't happen often enough considering his crucial support role and downplayed romanticism, and no inspector or swordsman was crammed in where he wasn't needed. Finally, I think the movie captured the essence of Lupin and company as just thieves instead of the obligatory thieves with hearts of gold. Despite all its massive flaws, a lot of factors made it at least more memorable than the yearly Castle of Cagliostro wannabes; do we really want to see the gang help out random nobodies we'll never see again again?

And then. Right when you think the movie is over. That scene happens. Here come the spoilers.

We see that the entire incident has been observed by a well-dressed, sickly green little guy known to fans simply as Mamo. There has not, to my knowledge, been such a blatant sequel hook in the episodic Lupin franchise's history, and it forces me to re-examine my earlier criticisms.

Namely, my critique of the plot elements without a clear point is rendered moot because their point can easily be shown in the future. That strange mechanical doll that assaulted Fujiko, which looked to me like a clockwork Titan, may eventually be part of a neat action scene instead of an uncomfortable one. Really, Okuzaki's mechanical expertise could become a threat later in a way it just wasn't here. Who can't see that guy returning as a mini-boss with a robotic arm?

Also, I have to commend the choice to tease this villain over any other. The Mystery of Mamo was a controversial film, but also an unforgettable one. It went way off the rails into sci-fi territory, an area Koike obviously excels in, but this approach was more or less forgotten after Miyazaki wowed everyone with his signature, safer take on Lupin. I look forward to seeing something batshit crazy and unexpected.

To sum things up, The Gravestone of Jigen Daisuke is not exactly a strong film when taken alone, but at least refreshingly different. Its biggest crime is leaving us wanting more, and hopefully we will indeed be getting more and better. I'm staying optimistic on this one. But what are your thoughts on the direction Lupin may be taking? How about on sequel hooks in general; are they a welcome asset to a franchise, or do they diminish its individual films (ooh, here comes a Vietnam flashback to Iron Man 2)? Put your thoughts in the comments!

So Bad, Yet So Good

As Anime Central approaches, the convention I've been gearing up for all year, my mind's been turning to what I'll be keeping an eye out for in the dealer's room. But after debating which Lupin movies are worth my money and idly wondering if I'll be lucky enough to find Crusher Joe there, I realized something: I don't own enough bad anime.

I hate myself a little for feeling this, of course. What a bastard, who still finds something to complain about after getting so much good entertainment! I just won't be satisfied until I own everything, will I?

But really, the bad stuff has made almost as much an impression on me as anything with actual quality to it. As far as the fandom is concerned, it could be argued that crap anime did more for the medium than terrific anime, at least in terms of public exposure. Lots of people may have started watching their Chinese cartoons after hearing Cowboy Bebop was great, but I'd bet money that just as many started after seeing Urotsukidoji. And on that note, I'd like to shed light on three anime that left a big, warm shitstain on my heart that I wouldn't ever want to wipe off.

First comes a title that was by no means a pleasant experience for me during my first viewing, but left an undeniable mark on me. And by mark I mean scar. I'm talking, of course, about Apocalypse Zero.

This 2-episode OVA takes your basic post-apocalyptic world and populates it with the truly bizarre. Cockroaches the size of hubcaps scuttle around while a high school girl accessorizes her hair with the biggest, dumbest Minnie Mouse bow you've ever seen. Yes, they still have high school in the hellish ruins of civilization, even though fatal monster attacks seem to be a regular occurrence. And these monsters. . . I won't describe and spoil the shock for you, but it's clear that someone really plumbed the depths of their id to come up with these abominations.

Apocalypse Zero occupies this bizarre middle ground where it's too gleefully self-aware to come across as mean-spirited, but still so goddamn sick that it'll change your perspective on what the word sick means. Anyone who doesn't run away in horror after twelve minutes will inevitably become glued to the screen for the remainder, and emerge at the end to find themselves changed.

Though I can't say I exactly like watching this OVA, it commands my eternal respect. Though this should really be recommended to no one, I'd advise anyone who's become bored with anime to give it a watch. You know, those people who have been around the block enough times that they find it hard to get really invested in what's happening onscreen, be it drama, action, or just plain gore. If you watch Apocalypse Zero without feeling anything, be it surprise, shock, or disgust, congratulations! You are officially a robot, and will never feel anything again.

Next comes a work by one of anime's greatest stars turned into one of anime's greatest supernovas. I speak of Mobile Suit Gundam creator Yoshiyuki Tomino's “masterpiece” Garzey's Wing.

The plot is about as simple as it gets: average teenager Chris is suddenly transported to a medieval fantasy world, where he must use the mysterious power of Garzey's Wing to lead an enslaved people against their oppressors. That part's easy enough to understand, but as they say, the devil's in the details. Good luck figuring out what the good guys and bad guys are talking about or trying to accomplish at any given moment.

To put it simply, Tomino's characters don't act like humans. Their basic emotions of joy, anger, and fear are expressed through means that can only be described as . . . unconventional. Maybe loneliness and desperation will be shown by talking about convenience stores. Maybe a character will make a big, stupid, plot-affecting emotional decision out of nowhere, and you'll have to go back to confirm that, no, there was never even a hint prior that they felt that way. You watch each scene of dialogue, not feeling emotion naturally, but consciously trying to pinpoint what emotion Tomino is trying to bring out of you. Plot is likewise confused, because things like a logical progression from Point A to Point B are for wimps. Clearly the right way to go is to introduce a ludicrously high number of plot threads for a 90-minute production, then leave your audience guessing how many will be dropped without a proper payoff (spoiler: most of them, including the main quest).

Garzey's Wing comes tantalizingly close to being the best bad anime ever; it's just so mind-boggling such a thing could be made by human, professional hands. The problem is it all becomes too much. The OVA's issues hit you hard in the beginning, but they don't really change throughout its runtime. They don't even become worse. After about 30 or 45 minutes the novelty of it all wears off, and you find four body and mind going numb as Garzey's Wing continues its unrelenting assault on your notions of good storytelling. It is a rare treat, to be sure, but a little hard to recommend repeated viewings of, though that English dub admittedly triples the fun.

Though both strong contenders for best bad anime ever, neither previous entries are quite enjoyable enough to be truly good in their badness. That's why my vote goes to Angel Cop. 

This 6-episode OVA followed on Akira's heels, and it's easy to tell when a plot trying to follow international politics and espionage gets hijacked by psychics before the first episode closes. They then drive the plot over a cliff several episodes later into a bottomless pit of superpowered action scenes. It one-ups Garzey's Wing by constantly changing up exactly how it's bad, thwarting your expectations and always leaving you wondering how it'll insult you next.

The characters are another high point. Main “heroine” Angel starts off as a supercop who will kill anyone who gets in her way in the name of justice. By the end, she grows to understand that, just maybe, it isn't always justice she's upholding. She'll still kill you, though. Her special security coworkers are also one-dimensionally badass in a more disposable sort of way, and brought to foul-mouthed life by possibly the greatest, most quotable English dub in history. Blood and violence are always just a few minutes away, and supported by animation that is never worse than competent.

I love how over-the-top excessive this show can get while desperately clinging to its original political thriller plot for credibility's sake. I love the new technologies and psychic powers people keep pulling out of their asses. I love the concentrated stupid that keeps jumping out of their face-holes. Angel Cop may be bad in that it fails hard at being the serious action/drama it aspires to, but it is always, always entertaining.

Now, what are your experiences with bad anime? What transcends badness to become something beautiful? Give me specific examples! I'll love you forever if you make me aware of another glorious piece of crap!