So Bad, Yet So Good

As Anime Central approaches, the convention I've been gearing up for all year, my mind's been turning to what I'll be keeping an eye out for in the dealer's room. But after debating which Lupin movies are worth my money and idly wondering if I'll be lucky enough to find Crusher Joe there, I realized something: I don't own enough bad anime.

I hate myself a little for feeling this, of course. What a bastard, who still finds something to complain about after getting so much good entertainment! I just won't be satisfied until I own everything, will I?

But really, the bad stuff has made almost as much an impression on me as anything with actual quality to it. As far as the fandom is concerned, it could be argued that crap anime did more for the medium than terrific anime, at least in terms of public exposure. Lots of people may have started watching their Chinese cartoons after hearing Cowboy Bebop was great, but I'd bet money that just as many started after seeing Urotsukidoji. And on that note, I'd like to shed light on three anime that left a big, warm shitstain on my heart that I wouldn't ever want to wipe off.

First comes a title that was by no means a pleasant experience for me during my first viewing, but left an undeniable mark on me. And by mark I mean scar. I'm talking, of course, about Apocalypse Zero.

This 2-episode OVA takes your basic post-apocalyptic world and populates it with the truly bizarre. Cockroaches the size of hubcaps scuttle around while a high school girl accessorizes her hair with the biggest, dumbest Minnie Mouse bow you've ever seen. Yes, they still have high school in the hellish ruins of civilization, even though fatal monster attacks seem to be a regular occurrence. And these monsters. . . I won't describe and spoil the shock for you, but it's clear that someone really plumbed the depths of their id to come up with these abominations.

Apocalypse Zero occupies this bizarre middle ground where it's too gleefully self-aware to come across as mean-spirited, but still so goddamn sick that it'll change your perspective on what the word sick means. Anyone who doesn't run away in horror after twelve minutes will inevitably become glued to the screen for the remainder, and emerge at the end to find themselves changed.

Though I can't say I exactly like watching this OVA, it commands my eternal respect. Though this should really be recommended to no one, I'd advise anyone who's become bored with anime to give it a watch. You know, those people who have been around the block enough times that they find it hard to get really invested in what's happening onscreen, be it drama, action, or just plain gore. If you watch Apocalypse Zero without feeling anything, be it surprise, shock, or disgust, congratulations! You are officially a robot, and will never feel anything again.

Next comes a work by one of anime's greatest stars turned into one of anime's greatest supernovas. I speak of Mobile Suit Gundam creator Yoshiyuki Tomino's “masterpiece” Garzey's Wing.

The plot is about as simple as it gets: average teenager Chris is suddenly transported to a medieval fantasy world, where he must use the mysterious power of Garzey's Wing to lead an enslaved people against their oppressors. That part's easy enough to understand, but as they say, the devil's in the details. Good luck figuring out what the good guys and bad guys are talking about or trying to accomplish at any given moment.

To put it simply, Tomino's characters don't act like humans. Their basic emotions of joy, anger, and fear are expressed through means that can only be described as . . . unconventional. Maybe loneliness and desperation will be shown by talking about convenience stores. Maybe a character will make a big, stupid, plot-affecting emotional decision out of nowhere, and you'll have to go back to confirm that, no, there was never even a hint prior that they felt that way. You watch each scene of dialogue, not feeling emotion naturally, but consciously trying to pinpoint what emotion Tomino is trying to bring out of you. Plot is likewise confused, because things like a logical progression from Point A to Point B are for wimps. Clearly the right way to go is to introduce a ludicrously high number of plot threads for a 90-minute production, then leave your audience guessing how many will be dropped without a proper payoff (spoiler: most of them, including the main quest).

Garzey's Wing comes tantalizingly close to being the best bad anime ever; it's just so mind-boggling such a thing could be made by human, professional hands. The problem is it all becomes too much. The OVA's issues hit you hard in the beginning, but they don't really change throughout its runtime. They don't even become worse. After about 30 or 45 minutes the novelty of it all wears off, and you find four body and mind going numb as Garzey's Wing continues its unrelenting assault on your notions of good storytelling. It is a rare treat, to be sure, but a little hard to recommend repeated viewings of, though that English dub admittedly triples the fun.

Though both strong contenders for best bad anime ever, neither previous entries are quite enjoyable enough to be truly good in their badness. That's why my vote goes to Angel Cop. 

This 6-episode OVA followed on Akira's heels, and it's easy to tell when a plot trying to follow international politics and espionage gets hijacked by psychics before the first episode closes. They then drive the plot over a cliff several episodes later into a bottomless pit of superpowered action scenes. It one-ups Garzey's Wing by constantly changing up exactly how it's bad, thwarting your expectations and always leaving you wondering how it'll insult you next.

The characters are another high point. Main “heroine” Angel starts off as a supercop who will kill anyone who gets in her way in the name of justice. By the end, she grows to understand that, just maybe, it isn't always justice she's upholding. She'll still kill you, though. Her special security coworkers are also one-dimensionally badass in a more disposable sort of way, and brought to foul-mouthed life by possibly the greatest, most quotable English dub in history. Blood and violence are always just a few minutes away, and supported by animation that is never worse than competent.

I love how over-the-top excessive this show can get while desperately clinging to its original political thriller plot for credibility's sake. I love the new technologies and psychic powers people keep pulling out of their asses. I love the concentrated stupid that keeps jumping out of their face-holes. Angel Cop may be bad in that it fails hard at being the serious action/drama it aspires to, but it is always, always entertaining.

Now, what are your experiences with bad anime? What transcends badness to become something beautiful? Give me specific examples! I'll love you forever if you make me aware of another glorious piece of crap!