The Right Kind of Sucking

I think I've found it. A bona fide so-bad-it's-good classic. An anime that touched me in much the same way Angel Cop touched me; so wrong, yet so right. Its name is Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned.

Now, you wouldn't really expect something from way back in 1980 to leave that sort of impression on anyone; when older shows and movies get bad, they generally don't get memorably bad. And the directors had worked on plenty of well-regarded shows, with the comedy Doctor Slump probably bearing their most distinct creative fingerprints. By all accounts, this is quite the faithful adaptation of a Marvel Comics series (as evidenced by the Western designs), though I'm admittedly unfamiliar with the comics' quality. The only thing I know for sure is that creatures of the night wouldn't have their dignity steamrollered like this until Twilight.

Dracula himself is actually this TV special's main character, or butt-monkey to be more accurate. And as it turns out, he's actually a really nice guy! But that darn Lucifer's always bringing him down, man, so the mountain of bodies to Dracula's name really aren't his fault. He even tries to stick it to the man by kidnapping a Satanic church's sacrifice, but ends up falling in love with her at first sight. They have a kid together.

Are any of you buying all this? Good, because the movie throws it at us in the first thirty minutes, before things start getting weird.

It isn't until the child, Janus, is a few months old that Lucifer realizes he's been screwed, and orders a trap laid for the vampire. Up until now Dracula's lover, Dolores, has renounced her devil-worshiping ways as a simple mistake of youth: “I agreed to become the bride of Satan as a lark”, as she herself puts it. She's instantly willing to take up the Satanic Church's mysterious offer to baptize and protect her child, however. Hey, they must offer some pretty good protection. It's a trap, of course, as they attempt to weaken and kill Dracula by . . . lowering metal shutters in front of the windows with crosses painted on. Did the church come equipped with metal shutters for the windows, or did they have to be specially installed? Did any of the devil-worshipers feel conflicted about painting crosses all over their church? These are not questions Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned cares to ask. Regardless, my plot description ends here because some twists no description can do justice.

While the plot certainly provides much amusement for reading like a bad dream after drinking too much spiked punch at Halloween, the characters themselves also hold their own. There's a trio of vampire hunters with an evil-detecting dog (!) who you expect to be the good guys, but end up more like a Greek chorus. They always end up standing within crossbow range of Dracula while he's distracted by/fighting something else, only for their wheelchair-bound leader to say, “Wait, let's see what happens here”. Then he helpfully explains to his comrades (and the audience) what just happened, but not until Dracula leaves. 

The really funny part is, they never hide themselves well, yet Dracula never acknowledges them unless they directly confront him! They pass each other on the street! I just like to imagine what he's thinking: “Who're these crossbow-bearing youngsters who just show up at all the important events of my life? Ah, well, maybe they'll go away if I keep ignoring them . . .” Dolores is your standard tragic woman, bemoaning how she can never again find true happiness in life. You joined the Church of Satan and married Dracula yourself, honey. And let's not forget the vampire of the hour himself.

Earlier I hinted at how ridiculous it is to portray Dracula as a good guy, but that's really what the movie wants us to think. His need to drink blood and the destruction it causes is forgotten when inconvenient; it's never shown what he does for food when living a peaceful life as husband and father at the beginning. They play up that he was a good man when alive, and only impaled all those people to make a point (bah-dum-tiss), a mistake he's apparently more than paid for the now by . . . doing the devil's work. Yeah, you figure out how that works. All I care about is the script's desperation to make Dracula the underdog, which eventually results in his vampiric powers being stripped and humanity restored.

He still dresses as a motherfucking vampire.

Seriously, at no point does he think to ditch the flowing black and red cape to blend in, and being powerless he just keeps getting his ass kicked by pretty much everybody. Thus, we have the audience are treated to scene after scene of what looks like the biggest failure of a vampire ever. Even better, not a single character who sees him think this guy might be a vampire, despite dressing exactly like Bela Lugosi. They'll just let the nice man in a cape who's being chased by zombies or whatever into their home without question! I'm not sure my suspension of disbelief will ever be the same.

Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned is a must-watch for anyone who loves entertaining garbage. It's pretty amazing how seriously the plot takes itself while throwing such loads of batshit (!) crazy at us. You can watch it here now, or make a date to see it next October. But be warned: you may never take vampires seriously again.

Let's Have Fun!

 

I count it a good anime season if we get a comedy that's actually funny. Not a lot of Japanese gags translate very well, and it's hard enough to write new gags and/or reinvent old ones that I'd estimate the majority of shows worldwide don't even try. Osomatsu-san tries, and it translates pretty well, but it's a weird enough show that I thought I'd analyze its success a little.

The current show is a continuation of sorts of Osomatsu-kun, a 57-episode show from way, way back in 1966, remade in 1988 as a 86-episode show, based on a simple gag manga. Sounds like a surefire recipe for success already, right? Luckily, right from episode one it's clear that Osomatsu-san knows what it's doing.

Fittingly enough, the show opens with the characters themselves exclaiming, “Holy shit! We got another season!?” The black-and-white cast then enacts a few obviously old-time gags before acknowledging, “Okay, those didn't age well. This isn't going to work.” The rest of the episode shows the cast attempting to be popular by mimicking (read: making fun of) what's popular today, from Attack on Titan to Yowamushi Pedal.

This irreverence, I think, is one of the keys to making a solid comedy. Nothing is sacred, least of all the show itself, and it earns a lot of goodwill by inviting us to laugh at that fact. Osomatsu-san then turns the joke around by showing us that what's “cool” right now is just as predictable and stupid. I like comedies which push boundaries rather than stay safely inside them, and Osomatsu-san certainly fits the bill; turns out its previous incarnations were decried by PTA groups as being unsuitable for children. Toilet humor and jokes relying on sadism abound, as well as the lampooning of cultural stories and icons. Just checkout the fallout when they took on Anpanman.

Not that Osomatsu-san is exclusively about parody. Most times it just does . . . whatever the hell it wants, which brings us to tits second major strength: the characters.

These are simple characters, each one bearing maybe one or two distinguishing traits. You can tell which sibling's which after a few episodes by how they act; Karamatsu is always trying to be cool, Jyushimstau is excessively hyperactive and stupid, Ichimatsu is a quiet yet moody loner, etc (it also helps that each is color-coded). They have simple wants, and probably the best comedy comes in not giving them what they want. One skit, for instance, sees Todomatsu win big at Pachinko, only to realize that he must now find a way to hide this from his five brothers, who will no doubt eat away at the jackpot until there's nothing left. We watch the two sides fight it out until, inevitably, Todomatsu loses. Side characters follow these same rules, such as Iyami, who carries one of my favorite gags. Throughout the show this snob idolizes France as the pinnacle of culture even though he's never been there. He discovers a certain wonder-mineral one episode that lands him fame and fortune, culminating with France's offer to grant him full citizenship in exchange for it. The mineral then gets snatched by a hawk and dropped into a volcano. Iyami desperately hides this fact, and succeeds . . . until he's disembarking the airplane with one foot poised above French soil. Only then is his ruse uncovered, and Iyami shoved back on the plane without ever touching his beloved France. Too bad!

Actually, that segues into another strength I touched a bit on before: how over-the-top it is. We've seen the above gag before where some important item is comedically lost, but not many shows have said item thrown into a volcano. Likewise, the joke where an acquaintance or family member goes to their friend/relative's workplace and tries to make them look bad is nothing new. What is new is one of the brothers attempting to shit on a cafe patron's plate in order to accomplish this. People don't get smacked with a paper fan much in Osomatsu-san, they get blown up with rocket launchers, kicked off cliffs, or shot in the head. There's blood. That's why their comedy makes me laugh when so many others don't; it's not afraid to offend, so I'm always watching to see how far it'll go.

Comedy is such a weird genre that, naturally, there's no guarantee everyone will laugh at this show. But considering its dated origins, did anyone expect to laugh at Osomatsu-san? I sure didn't. It seems some concepts age pretty darn gracefully with a little polish and care, and that's really something to smile about.

A Battle of Kills

Lately, I've had a craving for more bad anime. Whether it's because I don't feel like tackling my massive pile of shame, or because a number of shows last season were crap in the not-fun way, I don't know. But it's lucky for me that I succumbed, because after sitting through the hideous designs of Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer and questionable dubbing choices of Fire Emblem, I 've found it. An anime that makes some very poor decisions, yet does enough wrong things right to make it memorable. A worthy addition to any So Bad It's Good list: Battle Royal High School.

The “story”, such as it is, follows hotheaded high school athlete Riki Hyoudo who becomes embroiled in a massive conflict when he gets possessed by an alternate version of himself from another universe. Alternate Hyoudo rules his own world and wants to conquer our own, but a rebellion led by his fairy queen underling has complicated matters, and now both ruler and student must work together to stop Earth from being overrun by evil little fairy bastards. Throw in a priest (? Exorcist? Demon master?) and a space cop for good measure, and you've got a hell of a lot of story to cover in less than an hour.

Good thing story's never really the focus, and really, can we expect a show that throws so many weird characters together to give a shit? Action is on the agenda instead, and on that front Battle Royal High School does not disappoint. The variety of characters and motivations means that alliances constantly shift, and everyone will fight almost everyone else at some point before the end. There're plenty of monsters and demonic transformations to be found, each with more teeth and slime than the last.

The characters are mostly hit-or-miss stereotypes, but Hyoudo is a special source of joy. You'd expect him to be something of an underdog, or written with an endearing trait, but his very first scene involves him fighting (and defeating) an entire high school karate club. We learn soon after that Hyoudo beat them all so he could quit the club on a whim, causing the leader to also resign in shame and ruining their chances at future competitions. He's just an asshole like that. It's just really funny to imagine why we should be rooting for this guy when all his classmates think he's so awesome they literally donate all their lunches to him, yet his motivation hovers around the laughably vague “get stronger”. His two primary love interests (one demure shy girl, one abusive childhood friend, naturally) get a few laughs as well due to how well they take the otherworldly events happening around them. Maybe I'm being judgmental, but I don't know if I'd let a man who claims to be a Space-Time Continuum Enforcer walk me home at night, even if he did just save me from a giant teddy bear.

It wasn't until later that I discovered the man behind this slice of magic was none other than Ichiro Itano, he who would later bring us Angel Cop. Although based off a pre-existing manga (the overflow of characters indicates a story that could easily be drawn out), it bears many of the best aspects of Angel Cop, namely some asshole protagonists and a willingness to jerk the plot off the rails . . . after jerking the plot off the rails. The hilarious, profanity-ridden dub is just another a happy coincidence. The only negative I can think of is the short runtime, since I mentioned before that there's potential for a lot more crazy here. Still, if you're looking for a bite-sized piece of What The Fuckery, Battle Royal High School is easily as good as anything I've seen.

Monster Mess

Good horror anime is notoriously rare. Only a handful of titles spring to mind, and even then, I'd be hard-pressed to define them as pure horror. Hellsing, for instance, is firmly an action show despite using a slew of popular monsters. The Higurashi franchise is about half slice-of-life, and getting more so with each pointless installment. It seems most of the really suspenseful or grotesque scenes in anime are in service of science fiction or action plots rather than a work meant only to scare us. That said, this season I'm following two 5-minute shows that are each specifically horror: Kagewani and Kowabon.

Before fully diving into the shows it's important to ask whether horror works at all in 5-minute doses. Is there even enough time for that vital buildup of tension? The answer is yes, I think, and of course it's all in the writing. There should be something keeping us coming back, whether it be interesting, charismatic characters, the promise of a memorable payoff, or an overarching mystery that we can't help but try to solve. Pupa from a few years past failed at most aspects because it was more concerned with showing us incest-vore and building up pregnant mad scientists that end up doing nothing; the characters were too weird to relate to, and the B-movie cliches were distracting. So now let's look at how Kowabon shows us successful horror, and how Kagewani . . . doesn't.

The premise of both is, by necessity, simple. Each of the (currently three) Kowabon shorts features a young woman minding her own business. The electronics around her begin to act up, and she becomes more and more nervous, until a mysterious pixelated figure appears, and then they both vanish. Kagewani follows a determined professor as he investigates a series of vicious, possibly interconnected monsters mostly through secondhand information from their victims. From that summary one would assume the latter is the better show to follow, with a clear protagonist and more variety in its threats. One would be wrong.

Like Pupa, Kagewani wallows in the B-movie cliches. The monsters aren't creative, as we've seen the Loch Ness Monster, the Abominable Snowman, a kraken, and a giant turtle so far (not Gamera, sadly). We were just introduced to an evil scientist/businessman rival for the professor, who is collecting samples of the monsters for his evil research/business (you can tell it's evil by the way he acts). And the victims . . . uh . . . kinda deserve their fate. I mean, we get stereotypes like teenage assholes trying to get Internet-famous by shooting fake monster footage only to get killed by THE IRONY, and a mountain climber who puts her whole team at risk during a climb because she must find out what happened to her father up here, dammit! By far my favorite is the pair of kid brothers who crash the remote-controlled drone every parent apparently buys their children in a stream. The drone floats into that dark, smelly sewer that strange noises come out of sometimes, so of course they go in to search for it! Tell me, so any of these situations sound plausible outside of a SyFy Channel “original” movie?

Which brings us to Kowabon. The victims could be anyone, could be us, doing everyday things we might do. Ride an elevator with headphones on. Video chat with a friend. Finish up some after-hours work at the office. Bam! We're invested because we're not watching people violate the Top Ten List of Things Not to Do in a Horror Movie, we're watching what could be our own lives until something, something goes wrong.

It's still not clear exactly what happens each episode, but in this case I feel less is more. What is it that attacks the girls? One thing or many? How is it related to the electronics that always seem present? What triggers its appearance? What happens to the people it makes disappear? This show doesn't bank on each episode's payoff to reel you in, it invites you to puzzle out what's going on long after the episode ends. That's a type of horror that can't be improved by throwing an Abominable Snowman into the mix.

It's the same old story with visuals as well. Once again Kowabon makes the effective choice and uses rotoscoping for its animation. For those unfamiliar, that's when a scene is performed by a live actor, then they and their environment are traced over frame by frame, most famously (and controversially) used in Flowers of Evil, it can help us better relate to the characters because they blink, fidget, and make a thousand awkward movements like us. But not quite like us; human movement can never be captured perfectly, so a bit of an “uncanny valley” effect can result. In other words, perfect for a horror show.

Not so for Kagewani. I don't know exactly what their animation technique is called, but it reminds me of the cheap short story adaptations they used to show me in elementary school. You know, the ones obviously designed to be watched along with the textbook, so the budget is almost non-existent? Where the characters are basically cardboard cutouts that never move more than their eyes or an arm at a time? Now this style could work in something like a fairy tale, a basic morality story where characters are painted in broad strokes anyway, and you know from the beginning whose actions are right and wrong. But you sure don't end up caring for anyone, not any more than for the cheerleader who goes off to have sex when an ax murderer is on the loose. If anything, the art makes Kagewani feel like even more of a cartoon than it already is.

With all that said, I recommend watching both. As mentioned above, horror is a rare enough genre in anime that even the mediocre stuff deserves a look. Also, my opinions concerning these shows are even more subjective than usual; what scares or intrigues one person certainly may not do likewise for the next, or not in the same way. It's not a giant time commitment this time, so go have a look/see and form your own thoughts!

It's the End of the World As We Know It

Or of a franchise, at least. Sort of.

The two-movie reimagining of Attack on Titan wrapped up this past week, showing the second and final (?) film in select theaters. I was fortunate enough to attend this screening in addition to last month's event, and I was of course curious to see how this ending would fare, being original and all. The short answer? I thought this movie was great! Better then the first without question.

There is room for debate, however, and those who enjoyed the first part's horror aesthetic may be let down by this one. Part Two is not a horror movie. Part Two is straight-up action. With characters and stakes already established, we're treated to big reveals, plot twists, and shit hitting the fan. The quite character moments were honestly the first part's greatest weakness, so their lesser presence here is a good thing in my book; there's only one really weird scene in Part Two, and it comes across as more funny than awkward.

The action itself is great. “Normal” Titans barely make an appearance here, so the high-flying maneuver gear sequences are replaced by good old-fashioned fisticuffs between “special” Titans. Sure, it's a little more Hollywood-y to follow most important character moments with “Now you must fight so-and-so!”, but keep in mind that great action was a major selling point of the anime series. Besides, at least you know each rubber-suited guy is actually fighting another rubber-suited guy and not a mass of soulless computer graphics. Man, that Shin Godzilla movie can't come soon enough!

Probably the best thing about Part Two is we finally hear its overarching message loud and clear. Because, you know, there is a point to all the violence and despair. While the series did have a passing interest in totalitarian government and its effect on the people, this movie makes it a top priority. In fact, for all intents and purposes, government seems to be the answer to the oft-asked question: “Who is the real enemy here?” Luckily for us, the movie's also smart enough to stress that anti-authoritarian extremism is just as undesirable because that, too, tends to hurt innocent people. It ain't Shakespeare, but for a pretty short action movie, that'll do just fine.

Lest I start sounding too optimistic, there were also some not-so-great aspects. The couple of awkward scene mentioned above, and the unavoidable simplification of all characters. The first movie is required viewing to understand this one, which I count as a minus; it's a much harder sell to anyone outside horror junkies. And the music, sadly, is about as obtrusive as before. One very bizarre song choice towards the beginning balances out the lack of a hip-hop beat over the end credits. Still, there's so much ominous chanting choirs where they're not needed, I have to wonder if Shirou Sagisu is caught in a rut. Maybe he caught it from Hideaki Anno?

Despite some roughness, I think the Attack on Titan live action film duology is a worthy addition to the franchise because it gives us something we're seldom given: answers. Closure. A sense of fulfillment, unless you count the fucking hilarious post-credits stinger. Though certainly not as well-written or plotted as the true series, it's an intriguing and well-intentioned experiment while we wait for the real ending. That's all I ever wanted to see, and that's just what I got.

Summer 2015 Overview

Another season's gone, a season full of surprises both good and bad.  Luckily there were some continuing shows I could cling to for sanity.  Let's get right to it!

The Heroic Legend of Arslan

Well, at least it tried to tell an epic story. But then, so does your average elementary school play. A combination of bad animation and gimmicky characters robbed me of any enjoyment the story may have given, padded though it may have been. Definitely look up the old OVAs instead; they're far from perfect, but much more memorable.

Ore Monogatari!

I know this show is nothing but comfort food. Conflicts are few and far between, while the stakes are always the same. But the characters are just so enjoyable to watch, dammit! I can't help but want things to go well for everyone, just like I can't help but hope there's a second season in the future.

Ninja Slayer

Once you get used to the idea that this show is not, and was never intended to be, the second coming of Kill la Kill, Ninja Slayer can be a fun little series. Sure, its sense of humor is on the weird side, the action intentionally inconsistent, and the designs way over the top (in a good way, I'd argue). But all in all, the half-episode length works with that oddness to keep things from getting to be too much.

Monster Musume

Probably one of the season's more hotly anticipated shows, this was a fun fanservice romp for the most part. Having already read the manga, I knew pretty much what to expect, and kind of wished the director would branch out from the source material a bit. What I saw was good, but the show could have taken the concept and really run with it. The sub-species descriptions after the end credits were a nice touch in that respect.

Gate

I wrote a brief article describing why this show, or rather its rotten, irresponsible message pissed me off so much. It hasn't changed its tune since; the good guys are still perfect because they're perfect, and their actions are never presented as anything less than morally righteous. I'll still watch the second half when it starts next year, but just to see how bad it gets.

Gatchaman Crowds: Insight

I'd have to classify this series as a guilty pleasure. Like the first season, this show was a little too sure of its own message, dismissing opposing arguments a little too readily. Also, its real-world applications are a bit limited; succumbing to groupthink is dangerous, but dissenters are not likely to get eaten by striped thought-bubble monsters. Still, it's always visually interesting. And I like how carefully plotted it is, how every episode has a purpose. You've got to respect the amount of thought and effort going into the series, at least.

Overlord

Another guilty pleasure; I love the idea, but damn is Overlord light-novel-ey. The main character's invincible, and the exposition-to-action ratio really favors the talking. I won't lie, it's slow as hell when it shouldn't be. What saves it, in my eyes at least, are characters that are more or less fun to follow. The world's nice, too, and the show has a sense of humor about itself that saves it from being garbage. I'd have to call this a miss, though, unless there's an upcoming season that lives up to the concept's potential.

Gangsta

Well, that was underwhelming. Gangsta had a lot of characters, with a lot of tragic backstories, but I have no idea what the show wanted us to care about. I guess everyone was sympathetic in one way or another, but very little is actually done with anyone; they all feel like darts thrown haphazardly at a wall to see which ones stick. As for me, I'll stick with Black Lagoon.

Prison School

This show is trash. And it is brilliant. Festering shit. And I love it. Whenever this show didn't have me at the edge of my seat in suspense, it had me laughing. It's like if Alfred Hitchcock ever decided to direct a porno, or an exploitation film. The resulting film would still be garbage, but it would still be the most competent, gripping, entertaining garbage you'd ever seen, goddammit!

Jitsu wa Watashi wa

Though it had its moments of genuine hilarity, they were few and far between. I suspect it wouldn't have stood out even without the similar premise of Monster Musume as direct competition, because the characters just suck. They're all dumb stereotypes turned up to eleven, they don't have enough good traits to compensate, and the drama feels forced since it focuses on inexplicable attractions and stupid misunderstandings. Can't say I'm a fan.

Gakkou Gurashi

Probably one of the smarter shows of the season, this one knew exactly how to get to you; I can't remember the last time I've rooted for a do-nothing-at-school club. Although it can be a little too dramatic or silly at times, there's always a great atmosphere that usually helps sell the world. Also, there are some harsh twists. You'll know by the end of episode one if this show is for you.

Ranpo Kitan: Game of Laplace

Again, my review more or less sums up my thoughts. A disastrously confused show that tricked the Noitamina timeslot into thinking it was smart with its eccentric visuals and respected source material, only to end up as dumb and pandering as anything I've seen. At least it was only eleven episodes.

Charlotte

Though I enjoyed this show for the fun characters and found the drama passable, the plot could be a bit odd. Several times throughout the show some crazy serious thing will happen out of nowhere, and shit will get very real for a while. But then the situation gets resolved, with surprisingly little fallout, making me feel like I'd veered into a different show for an episode or so. Not that the series was bad by any means, but I think it would have benefited from a gradual, consistent buildup of tension rather than game-changing surprises.

Ushio and Tora

Proof that the most worn-out of concepts need only a fresh coat of paint to work again. Despite being about as generic-90s-shonen as you can get, the sheer passion put into the animation and design is undeniable; I don't know the last time I've enjoyed a monster-of-the-week show so much. Just watch the opening credits and you'll have a good idea of the manic glee that went into this production.

Rokka no Yuusha

Boy, what a letdown that last third was. Until then, some good characters and designs made up for the subpar animation. Some may have been disappointed this wasn't a fantasy action show, but the closed-room mystery aspect totally worked. Until we got to the answers; that payoff was terrible, and we couldn't have solved the mystery with the information given. What is it with the so-called “mystery” shows this season?

Shimoneta

I started this show just a few weeks ago; the buzz around it had slowly built up after a lukewarm initial reaction. Good thing, too. I had a great time watching it, appreciating the somewhat thoughtful social commentary, and laughing at the very raunchy jokes. Too bad Prison School is its direct competitor, one-upping this show in almost every respect. I'd hate for Shimoneta to slip through the cracks like it almost did for me. 

And that's the shape of things!  What will the fall season have in store for us all?  Can't wait to find out!

I've Been Waiting for This Day!

The other night, I had the unique opportunity to attend a showing of Attack on Titan: the live-action movie, part one. Having skipped the big-screen event that was Dragon Ball: Resurrection F due to not being a Dragon Ball fan, and later regretting the missed opportunity, I was really looking forward to this. Did the film deliver? Well, as I expected, it turned out to be a mixed bag.

First off, the designs were outstanding. The Titans looked just as scary/creepy/funny as you'd hope they would, thanks to a combination of CG and makeup that really worked. I liked how you could recognize some of the more distinctive Titans from the series, but there were some original ones that were just as memorable. Likewise, the Colossal Titan and Eren's transformation put their own distinct flair on the show's look without feeling out of place.

The setting was less recognizable as Attack on Titan. The show looked like you could plant any wall or town into any medieval European setting with no problem; most everything is wood and stone, with nary a piece of technology in sight save the maneuver gear. The movie is distinctly post-apocalypse. Everything's gray and dirty. The walls look like they're pieced together out of scrap metal, not particularly sturdy at all. Hell, the military uses vehicles in their mission beyond the wall, which threw me for a loop. Overall, though, the setting works to fit the movie's dour mood.

What didn't work so well were the characters. It's unfair to expect any but a few real-life actors to be as physically and emotionally appealing as cartoon characters, so I wasn't let down per se. Still, it's annoying to keep mixing the actors up and be unsure who died. Character arcs were watered down out of necessity; what can you do in ninety minutes with a large cast? I could fill in character quirks and backstories thanks to my familiarity with the anime, but I can't say if the uninitiated would have been invested.

Pacing was a bigger issue. The very beginning dragged its introduction of the principle cast more than it needed to. Though again, I already know their characters, I felt seconds tick by as we watched them without learning anything new about them. Sometimes you'll get a neat shot to build anticipation, like an unknown character gearing up for battle, only to cut back to other characters doing less exciting things for minutes before the anticipated cool thing actually happens. And some of the “romance” scenes in the middle? Awkward. Very awkward.

I wish the music had been better. I knew even before checking that Shiro Sagisu did the composing, because it sounds almost exactly like his work in the Rebuild of Evangelion movies; almost all ominous chanting, with a few scattered piano pieces. A little more variety would have been nice, especially since ominous chanting isn't all that effective whenever awesome stuff isn't happening to back it up. Also, what the hell? A hip-hop song for the ending credits? No.

The issue of subtitle errors, though I joke about it in the title, did not occur in my theatre. My sympathies go out to attendees who had to deal with this, as well as the Funimation employees who received the blowback.

In spite of these many flaws, I have to admit I had a great time, thanks to a pumped-up, almost-full house. There's really nothing like a theatre packed with fans to increase your enjoyment of a film. To clap when certain characters appear. To laugh at the jokes, and the Titans. To let out a collective “What?” at aforementioned action scenes. To cheer the awesomely gorey action scenes, of which there were plenty. Attack on Titan: Part One may be a flawed work, but one with a lot of skill and heart behind it that I think carried through to everyone. That's about as good a summary I can give of an experience only half complete.

I look forward to fixing that later this month.